Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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