i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
