Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
