When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
