Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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