I'm so fucking centered right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
