i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
