My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize