I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
vagina is talking i cant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
