I just made out with a guy for $7.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
