At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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