its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
