the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
