no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
