are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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