ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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