Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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