guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
