"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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