You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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