i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
