i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
