he wants to bone in the snuggie
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
