you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
