i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
