I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
