I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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