You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
