Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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