Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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