Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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