I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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