my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
