I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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