No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
