You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
