I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
