So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
