how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
