This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she peed on how many people?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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