There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
smell my finger.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
