I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
