i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
