You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize