it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
