New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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