If that was your dad, he is hot
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
