I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
