Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
