I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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