booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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