i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
