I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize