ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
