you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
