wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
