Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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