sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize