I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
