You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
