You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize