nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
