dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
