It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
