I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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