I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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