She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
