we're blogging at a bar
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
