i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
