all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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