pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize