so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
