There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
