You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
