This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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