i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
