i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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