Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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