I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
