no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
