I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
