Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
